1 more to go...

5 xams down..(down in the literal sense also:D)..and 1 to go..not bad..
my todays blog is arbit sentences...maybe related..maybe not..
1) i am craving like hell to go home..need a break..been a damn hectic but nice sem really(tho tat will depend on my grade also)anyways really looking forward to hols.
2) life is not always the way it seems to be..things are not as one says they are..there are 2 sides of everything..2 sides of a coin..we just prefer not to look at the other side..
3) my family matters most to me in life..
4) this summer i am doing what i love most..i am following my heart..studying literature as i have always wanted to..im excited about it..
5) lit xam made me fall in love wid lit all over again..for anyone interested in reading, read "the garden of forking paths" by J.L.Borges..it deals with the concept of parallel time..aweeesssumm short story..
6) world's shortest short story:by ernest heminghway
for sale:baby shoes, never worn
we got this for interpretation in lit xam..i wont spoil it by telling the interpretation...u guess..u think..
7) il get to study J.D.Salinger's "the catcher in the rye" this summers..tats a buk loved by me and my best friend..we both always wanted to analyse it and im getting the chance to do it now:):)..
8) i donated blood this sem and it really felt gud:):)..so people be unhesitant in donating blood..it will not make you weak..trust me ..i am 47 kgs and they still took my blood and i was jumping after donating:P:P

don't let life lead you..lead your life..

there used to be a time when i used to crib a lot..a lot means a lot..now i have reduced considerably..because of a recent realisation..tat there is a way by you can make everything you do in life fun..everything can be made interesting..its upto you..
infact even a quiz or assignment can be made very exciting to do..a challenge..just depends on your perception..on your attitude towards it..
whenever i am in a slightly sad mood i start analysing it and realise that its up to me to be happy or sad..sumthng tat always helps me to improve my mood is good music..nd just the thought that i should learn to be happy by myself..and i think i have learnt it a lot..whenever you feel like crying or feel sad, just get up , wash your face, put on good music and get busy doing something..i dont think you can't resist bad moods if you want to..
also a funda which i developed..everything that happens to you is because of you..there is no luck factor..somewhere or the other its your fault or your good efforts' results..so no point cribbing that life is unfair as its in your hands to make it better..and if you're losing time cribbing..well then suffer..
i guess this is a bit harsh..but really helps me to be happy..
as the heading says, dont let life lead you..lead your life..

hmmmm...trulyarbit..

been very busy lately wat wid PAF nd labs nd work..so had no time for myself..today after a long time..have sum spare time for me nd me alone..im actually stealing my sleeping time from myself to give time to me:D..
just want to write today..been wanting to write for days now..i dont know about what..having loads of ideas but none concrete to pen down..i want to write a script..a monoacting maybe..on ego clashes maybe..read these short stories by shashi deshpande recently..such an amzing collection of stories on lives of women..have so much potential to be converted into monologues..
anyways..today i am in this content mood..content wid wat i dont know..im hardly able to work coz of PAF but tats ok i guess..have a valid reason..i realised i really like ma job..id like to do something similar later on in life also..rather than a core engg thing..
my blogs becoming more of a diary..weird..one day a frnd had asked me..y do u blog?..y do u want ur innermost feelings to be among strangers..nd i was answerless..y do i blog..???..maybe because tats one way by which i get people's feed back on my writing..maybe because it gives me an incentive to write..dunno..
read a poem today..a batchmate's..she has written it in sort of enid blyton's honour..btw for people who dnt knw enid blyton..she writes child stories..nd i have literally grown readin them..the first book i read was an enid blyton in 2nd standard..nd since then havent been able to leave books..secret seven..famous five..five find outers..malory towers..st.clares..faraway tree..omigodd...im becomin nostalgic..i was so inspired by her..really wanted to write like tat sumday..i realise how much i loved books at one time..my love has gone down a little now..sad..
listenin to dis song"gudiya rani bitiya rani" from LAMHE..beautiful song..thnking of mum nd smiling:)..my mum always almost cries wen she listens to tat song..mmmuaahh mummaa..
"gudiya rani..bitiya rani..pariyon ki nagri se ik din..raj kunwar ji aayenge..mehlon me le jaayenge.."
beautiful choice ma
ok this one is a really arbit bloog..my mind is jumpin frm one place to another..work is piled up on my lappy now..nd my eyes are closing..better sleep be4 practise for sumtime..rest later:)

a hot sultry afternoon..

a hot sultry afternoon..
the sun was literally baking the earth..
turning all blue into brown..
frowning and glowering in anger..
the cracks were visible..
parched earth..
thirsty..

but the sun was relentless..sadisitic..

need..desperation..anguish..
she passed thru so many emotions ..
tried her best but the sun refused to budge..
there was nothing that could soften him now..
nothing..
as d rays fell on d cracks..
it felt as if the sun was deliberate in harming it..
as if it was achieving a sickening pleasure..

but finally the drops came..
the first few drops of the first shower..
the earth sighed wid relief..
the sun was subdued ..
he had finally been beaten..
and it was a pleasant loss..
a fair one..

moods changed..
spirits lifted..
new vigor..
fragrance of rain soaked mud..
brown turned into a breathtaking blend of blue and green..
it was renaissance..
renaissance on a hot sultry afternoon ..

just arbitgiri..

who said our generation is cynical about india..you hear people saying so often that all we want is go to US nd settle..tats so wrong..was just talking to a frnd about beauty in india today and realised yet again how much we all love our country...
there is really no place which has this beautiful variety..from colourful rajasthani women in deserts to the typical punjab village to the ice cold dryness of leh and ladakh to the palms and lagoons of kerala...there is nothing that india doesnt have..its incredible to see
if i had to describe india in one word i would say colour...not only the physical hues..but even the diversity of people..languages...clothes..scenery..traditions..
its a country painted in so many different hues....i am proud to be a citizen of such a country..

saw a painting at an exhibition today so noting down what i thought of it

whirlpool of hues..
whirlwind of shades..
struggle..
dominance..
union..
blend..
strike..
strength..
courage..
stuff dreams are made of..

art is such a strong way of expression..makes you feel inadequate when you see life in such measures of perfection..

just arbitgiri..VI

NEW LIFEEEEEEEE
hey long long overdue i guess..
so ..how shud i start..i am onto a new life all together..i feel as if i changed myself in between and now i am backkk..back nd happyy..have amazin peace of mind ..nd am realising how much i treasure my life..i am hangin out wid frnds..doin lukha even tho i have midsems going on..but since i have attended all lectures , it seems i am enjoying exams also..atleast not getting stressed at all..really my bro was rite..attending classes makes a hugee difference..nd mayb this time the courses are also peaceful..
hehe this is midsem week nd i have done so much already apart from studying

• i have a job now..call me a working woman..;)..hehe..i realised i am a workaholic..there is something about work that i like coz its makes me so nicely tired..nd makes me feel good abt myself..
• i am trying new restaurants..i went to pop tates on sunday..good food..had these amazing baked vegetables..i am waiting to earn for my job now coz i realised i reaallly want money to spend on amazing food..abhi nahi karungi to kab karungi
• i am talking soo much wid my parents these days and a bit missing them..they are so adorablee...mmmuaaaahhh to both ma and pa
• and i am watchin friends with chinky..mmmuaaahhh to chnks also..we rock together babes..we really do:)
• nd i forgot to mention..i won monoacting competition a few days back..:)..i like actinggg too..
  

i am overall enjoyin life..new phase alltogether...the optimistic me is back..freedom .independence..i love the new meeee...or rather the old me who got lost in between..:)

just arbitgiri...part V

ok..long posting due..
1)techfest over..tanvi my best frnd came ..was fun..not tat much fun also..but had a relatively nice time..last day my old skool frnd handa came..was fun too..wat did i see in techfest??
- breakthrough exhibition which was so cool..learnt tat there is a 33 min gap between an earthquake nd the subsequent tsunami no matter wat kind of earthquake nd whr..always 33 min gap..saw instruments from my course of enviromental science last semester.
- then i saw this competition VOID..was nice too..reminded me of our own machine in GRIP..hehe..neways was nice..
- then i attended a panel debate by 6 former IITians successful in differenet fields..(IITs at Crossroads)..took notes will put up later..
- watched Sand Animation on the last day..a bit boring..but different..
2)after a long sad week i am happy today..been sad..been depressed..but things finally seem to be moving in the right direction..feels nice to be happy really..touchwood..
3)listenin to music now nd realising i like music a lot..shud listen more often..
4)i am goin to write thank you mails to all today who all have helped me survive this week..

tats it i guess..rest later..sleepy now..

why do i cry soo much??

why do i cry so much?
i donot know really..but i am a champion at crying..for every possible reason or to put it better for no reason at all..though i always end up thinking of an excuse..But basically, i just love to cry..there is this urge i get once in a while..or i should say very often in a while, to let out all my emotions..burst out..cleanse myself of all my negative feelings..and after i cry i feel this immense sensation of peacefulness..you could say it gives me a high like drugs give to some people..it makes me euphoric..amazing isn't it?..have you ever heard of someone enjoying crying?Well, I do..in fact i think i should put crying as a hobby in my orkut profile..
I am writing all this after an amzing crying session..And while i was writing this, i decided to check out what wikipedia had for crying..here are some interesting facts-

Crying as an emotional reaction is considered by many to be a uniquely human phenomenon, though some studies suggest that elephants and gorillas may cry as well.

Emotional triggers are most often anger and grief, but crying can also be triggered by sadness, joy, fear, humor, frustration, or other strongly-experienced emotions.

In many cultures, crying is associated with babies and children. Some cultures consider crying to be undignified and infantile, casting aspersion on those who cry publicly. In most cultures, it is more socially acceptable for women to cry in public than men.

An insincere display of grief or dishonest remorse is called crocodile tears, from the ancient anecdote that crocodiles would pretend to weep while luring or devouring their prey.

Many religions describe gods or prophets as crying:
* The shortest verse in the Bible (in the King James Version of the Bible and some other English translations) is simply: "Jesus wept."
* Jade is sometimes known as "tears of the Buddha".
* The Incas referred to silver as the "tears of the moon".

just arbitgiri...part IV

1)day started out boring..tried to study but no mood..so ditched..den waited for supposedly different sunday lunch and it turned out so bad tat i missed the usual one..ppl say r sunday lunch hasnt been changed for the past 10 years..i mean wow..talk abt tradition
2)tried watchin a movie wid frnds..but was useless...got bored
3)watched two episodes of "how i met ur mother"..gud
4)then came the aweesooome part..went to LEELA wid chinky for my cousin chachu's marriage...it was a love marriage..but arranged later..chachu sardar nd the girl a sharma(hindu)..they supposedly had known each oder for 8 years but no1 knew..the cutest thing was the ppt. they had prepared with both of them's childhood fotos..was veryyy cute...i had fun..dressed up and all for it..had gud food..(amazin punjabi food..gr8 desserts..dal makhani was awwessomee)..nd then danced to punjabi songs..overall fun niteeeeeeeee...missed family a bit coz last marriage pe we all were together nd had lotsaaa fun..but was nice spending time wid chinky..talked a lott..
4)everyone is wearin black bands tomr to protest abt the LAN BAN in IIT..cool rite..hope all this bears some fruit..
all in all content today..

just arbitgiri..part III

1) slept for the earlier part of the day..then watched half of yes boss..had watched it be4 but watched again to giv company ..the first time i watched it i had liked it..now i thought kya fartt dialogues hain..
2) then went wid lots of enthu to mardi gras (fest of hostel 11, 12 ,13)..i wanted to eat the punjabi food they had so much publicised..dragged vikash nd mishra along..chinky already had enthu too..so all four of us went expecting gudd food and tai tai fishh..it was horrible..overexpensive nd dint even taste well..i wanted to dance but no company..only interestin part was the red bull people..they were sponsors for the fest..there were these girls givin free redbulls..red bull is an energy drink..the girls givin them were so hot nd IIT guys being IIT guys followed dem all over..it was like wild animals behind a catch..seriously was sick to watch ..they surrounded her nd the poor girl was so harrassed but i guess they get paid for this girl appeal only..
3) the food was so bad tat we all went out to eat after tat..to KFC..was fun..esp coz we were all behavin like kids the whole time..cool tha..then bak to hostel
overall nice day..had fun

just arbitgiri..part II

1)i dint make the audition..which for a while sucked then i comforted myself by the thought of my chachu's marriage coming up..since i am finaly going to be attendin a punjabiiiii wedding im happpy..lookin fwd to the food..hehe
2)my dad sent me chocolates...i saw them at a shop with him and really liked their packing but refused to buy them coz i dint want to waste money...and imagineeee he sent me the same chocolates..i looovvveee my family soo much..
3)a thankz to my friend chinky(ya tats her actual name) for takin care of me today wen i was feeling very down.
4)i am goin for a budday treat nowww..yipppeeee
5)i still love myselfff..nd my life totally..
6)IIT will not hav net working in the nite from 1130 pm to 1230 pm the next day from 26th jan onwards..doesnt that suckkk...how wil we manage?i dnt knw..wil write a long crib on this..gotta go for my treat now..tataaa for today
7)editing this 3 hours later
8)i talked to my best friend for an hour today..wow did it feel gud to discuss about arbit stuff wid her..school..past stupid crushes..gossip..felt gr8
9)i walked alone after ages today...lakeside..outside my hostel..was nice:)..felt gud spending time with mee..
10)i am not as happy as i sound:)

just arbitgiri..

just pennin down arbit thoughts

• i am in luv wid life rite now..atleast at this moment..im sittin in my room listenin to songs from guru and wow..feels so gr8..hope the feelin lasts..it is really upto urself to keep urself happy..talkin about guru...nice movie..really nice movie..had a combo of everything..proper hindi masala u know..right amount of sarcasm, emotions, beauty, realism..really worth a watch in the theatre..abhishek resembles amitabh bachhan so muchhhh..i had fun watchin it esp. as i went with 2 exchange students who are friends of mine..awesome experience explaining dialogues to them..esp. scenes like where abhishek decides to marry because he needs money for his business..coz tat was a pretty big shock for them tat it actually happens..hehe..anyways somehow felt proud showing them a bollywood movie..enjoyed looking at it in a new perspective..
• people have so many different ways of handling things..we recently had elections in the hostel and i voted against the junior standing for the post of maint secy coz i thought she looked as if she couldn't handle pressure..tho she got elected anyways obviously..and yesterday she got my tubelight fixed..i had been livin wid a defective one for two months..wen i asked her how she managed to get the electrician, she said in her childish tone"i made him promise"..wow..i was impressed..and here i thought she wouldn't be able to manage coz she looked such a kid..sorry richa(thats her name) and thanx for teachin me never to underestimate anyone..and thnx for the tubelight again..
  
• i gave auditions for main GC drama yesterday..tats r interhostel drama competition..i dont think il pass..lemme keep my fingers crossed.
• i want to write and direct a play someday..nd i will in my stay at IIT..i will...i promise to myself..
• i loveeeeeeeee indiaaaaaaaaa...seriously..this is where i want to spend my whole life..though i want to go out and learn about other cultures for a short while..
  

im freeeeee todayyy

my endsems just ended today..im free...free totally for 40 days..free of studying...free of labs..free of getting up in the morning..perhaps this feeling has yet not sunk in...of being free....maybe that or maybe due to some other reason...im also sad..
sometimes i think that i am sad too often...weird but sumwhere i think i like being sad...makes me think about things which i enjoy...so being sad makes me happy...told u its weird...
i want a day alone...alone from anyone i know...for myself...just me and my thoughts...then only can i really get connected with the world...maybe wen i go home..il shut myself in the room for a day and do what i want to...i want to be in the rajai in the cold wid a novel in hand and sipping warm tea..i want a day wen i do wat i want to ...widout caring for anyone else...a day wen my wishes rule me...i want to sit in crossword for hours together...i want to maybe go to CCD alone, order a coffee and stay there reading a novel or writing for hours till i get bored of that..i want to sleep indefinitely till i wake up on my own..
its gud being free...criously..my mind just keeps thinking of things i want to do....

diwali day

today i came home for diwali..just reached chandigarh early morning so and had travelled by bus the entire nite so i was pretty exhausted the whole day..we had loads of guests the entire day so was on my feet the whole time.its nite now and im exhausted..physically
im thinkin a lot about so many random things..seems like suddenly i have infinite time for thinking..i went to an old couples place today whose children live in the states and realized how alone they are..tat sort of reminded me tat in the future however busy i may get i shud make it a point to take care of mine nd my future hubby's(;)he he) parents..bahut door ki soch lag rahi hogi but tats me:)
also saw a bit of the movie "chandni" and started thnking tat love can last through difficult and seeming hopeless situations like losing a limb...
btw i love ghar ka khaana totally..tat was the best part of the day..and i have to go for dinner now-chicken biryani ..tats like a tradition 4 r family on diwali..so wil continue later

bas theek hi hun

im feeling weird today...weird, sad or maybe im just thinking too much..
basically im feeling aimless..i dont know what i want from life...
im aimless...
till now i just kept moving on a path..without asking myself what or why..
perhaps if i had asked myself these questions i wouldnt have been in IIT..
but its not as if i am sad..its not as if im not happy..but i just want something more from life..
im happy with my personal life..im happy wid wat i am as a person but professionally im not happy with myself..there is nothing im good at or excellent at..i can write a bit..i can act a bit..i can draw a bit..i have an average cpi...bas sab theek hi hai..usse achha i'd rather suck at something and be excellent at something else..
but theek hai..there are a lot of respects in which im lucky..people who matter to me care for me..are there for me always..very few get even tat much..
but kya karein..maybe i expect a little too much from life:p:d